I'm highly comfortable in my skin. I love my curves and wear them proudly without apology. Yet there are times I wish others wouldn't look at me like, "I can't wait to see how she keeps up," when I walk into my Zumba class. Invariably, it happens more frequently than I care to mention.
Just this morning, I had the chance to join the 9 a.m. class. I ran a bit late since I fought a battle with my bed sheets and almost lost. However, I made it and joined about ten minutes into the action. There was a woman in front of me who kept turning around, looking and smiling at me with contempt for the first few minutes. I was easily one of the shapeliest girls in the room. Pretty soon the routines started getting harder and faster. I may have lots of it, but I know how to use it, if I do say so myself, and the underlying mass still has some gumption. Soon enough, her smile turned into a painfully sweaty, furrowed brow as she struggled through a salsa routine that I OWNED! Yes, I'm boasting a bit. But there are times when others look down at you and you have to shake it off and remember how awesome you truly are.
Feeling compassion, I slowed a bit and showed her the steps. Yeah, I couldn't gloat too long because I could see she was now feeling bad that she couldn't keep up. Been there.
Just a few years ago, I was even heavier than I am now. A friend from work invited me to her dance class. I was no less than 233 pound, a lot more than today, and could only do the first thirty minutes to begin even though it was a mild, low impact type of activity. What was worse was that, when it was time to partner up, I'd be left alone. And it wasn't because there weren't enough men. There were plenty. Nope. The two or three that were often left over looked around for a partner and right past me as if I were invisible. The instructor would take me gently by the hand and lead me to one of my unwilling partners or dance with me himself. There were times I wanted to cry. I mean, seriously, it was for a minute of a song until we switched to the next partner in the rotation. I was going to learn to shake it off or have to give up on something I loved and knew would do me good.
Imagine what would have happened if I had given up? In the first four months of salsa class I dropped 40 pounds and five dress sizes! I persevered and started walking up to the people I wanted to dance with because they were stronger leads. Ha! Eventually, with a bit of perseverance, I dropped 75 pounds naturally. No surgery. No crazy diets or pills. Just a good, old-fashioned change of routine and better eating habits. My life had been transformed, I was feeling great, my kids were looking at me with pride for what I'd accomplished, and I stopped getting picked last. Yes, it didn't happen overnight. It took several years since I hit some pretty long plateaus from time to time. However, I eventually became good enough to have a series of regular dance partners who became life long friends and an extended salsa family that I love till this day.
Last year was a tough one after my dad became really sick. I put on 40 pounds of which I've managed to drop 12 in total over the last two months. I want to get back to where I was, not for the sake of aesthetics, but health. I don't want end up living in a nursing home like my father. In addition, I want to be able to enjoy my kids for a long time without being a burden to them. So I continue to go to Zumba class and am thinking of heading back to my favorite salsa place soon for some boogie time.
I know that, until I get there, I may have to endure the stuck up looks and smirks of the people who can't see how far I've already come. Hey, I'm still in the green from that spot where I was five years ago, 47 down from where I started. I'll just continue to remind myself until then that I am not alone in this fight for a better me. I will persevere through God's grace and a who'lotta moxie (Yup. Made up another word.). I pray that, whatever your battles and target destinations (I hate the word goal. It sounds like someone is going to kick me into a net.), that you find the resolve to stand in the midst of an unkind world and make it there. After all, their attitude is their problem, not yours. I will say a prayer for you daily so that we can shake it off. Now, I'm off to my second class for the day.
Hugs, T., a.k.a. Odd Numbered Kisses
Loved your blog T.. keep at it you got it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, E!
ReplyDelete