I've never truly thought anyone was 'normal' in the traditional sense of the word as it might mean to conform to socially acceptable behaviors and thoughts. We are shaped by our DNA, families, friends, and experiences throughout life and may learn to act in a socially acceptable way for the sake of the Joneses. However, since the human psyche exists in delicate balance with these factors, chemical changes in our bodies, diet, the impact of stress, and a number of other random occurrences, I believe we all develop coping mechanisms of one sort or another.
You might cry when someone you love gets hurt. Others, like me, may cackle, giggle, and snort at the most inappropriate times. The latter may get some dirty looks during a funeral, but it is one way we deal with all the stuff that happens. Our minds seem to compensate or adjust for survival in ways we don't understand. Take the gifted child for example.
I've been teaching elementary school age children for a decade now. One of the things I've noticed about the academically gifted child is that they tend to compensate for their intelligence and go to extremes. The ones I love most are the anal expulsive (Yes, I know about Freud and don't care. I like the term and it fits well.) types. They are sheer geniuses for the most part, over-analyze everything, are sharp witted and catch every detail and inflection in every word you say. But please, don't open their backpacks or you will find yourself knocked out by an explosion of random folders, undone homework from two quarters ago, the discarded carcasses of crayons, and a countless number of wrinkled index cards that will never find a particular order. What's wrong with these kids?
Well, the answer is absolutely nothing. This is normal behavior for many gifted students. Why? Because their brains are basically on fast forward, fifth graders reading college level material who cannot be bothered with the trivialities of life. While I'm personally okay with that now, it drove me nuts the first few years, I still have to help these kids find a balance in their lives somehow. It's my job to guide them and shape them and get them ready to face a cruel world that is already judging them by the pizza sauce all over their outsides.
That's why I'm here. I was that kid. Misunderstood by most who never took the time to look deeper than the projectiles rocketing out of my bags and into the teacher's favorite coffee mug that boldly stated, "I Teach, therefore, I am." They refused to see the beauty and wisdom captured there because they were too busy judging the trivial stuff. It had been too much work for them to achieve a socially acceptable level of behavior and they were going to impose the same on me even if I dropped dead as a result. Forget the beautiful artwork, poetry, and endless talent. I had to have every pencil in it's place or was told that I'd fail at life.
Says who? So what of the Poes, Dickensons, and Van Goghs of the world? Should we have shaved them and made them fit neatly into a little box so that we could tie a perfect bow on the package and stack it in the cloister with the others? The difference between us is that you can see my quirks because they're on the outside. Frankly, I tend to over-share, hence all of this. With me, even when they're on the inside, they ooze their way out of the largest orifice on my face before I have a chance to pinch myself hard enough to stop. Anyway, I've been taught and believe that the best way to grow is to share and ask questions.
You and I both know you've been guilty of sitting in class with a question you're afraid to ask. Then, when someone does, the collective sigh and 'ah-ha' in the class erupts and discussion begins. That first question, the first brave soul eager enough to quench her/his thirst for knowledge to risk sounding like a total idiot, is the catalyst for spectacular things. In the same manner I believe we can grow as humans, find peace for the soul, and laugh a little at the fart you let out in yoga class yesterday. Yes, you! Admit it! It happens to all of us sooner or later.
I know that I'm still seeking that balance and growing even in the middle of my middle agelessness. I'm sure others exactly like me exist out there and I am hoping, that by continuing to over-share my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, and experiences that we can somehow find each other and learn to be content with our quirks. Let me know if it helps. And if it doesn't, keep it to yourself, ha! Either way, I send you love and hugs,
~T. a.k.a. Odd Numbered Kisses
P.S. The first topic I will entertain is that of solitude. I am currently in the middle of some soul searching and will be sharing my journals here.
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